A personal area that a lot of people need to work on is their patience. Patience is a virtue but is not as easy to obtain or control. Think about the times when you may have become impatient. Perhaps while waiting in long queues, or someone cuts you off on the road, your baby is crying uncontrollably, or your child is pulling at you wanting your attention when you are talking to someone or on the phone. Many of these situations could make you think you have no patience at all. A lot of the times, rather than deal calmly with a situation we tend to lose control and lash out due to not having enough patience.
Patience requires a lot of practice and a sense of calm. Every situation that calls for you to be patience is different, so you need to find what triggers your impatience and work to change the situation to your benefit. Part of becoming a better person is learning to have a lot of patience. If you do not practice being patient, it can work against you in many situations at work and in life. Keeping calm is one of the many keys to success, another is keeping a positive mind about the situation that is causing you to become irate.
When we add in factors of stress, anger or tiredness with impatience this can be a recipe for disaster. This could cause a small incident to escalate into something bigger, for example, road rage turning into a violent incident.
So how do you overcome your impatience? The first thing to do is recognise when you get impatient. What situation is causing you the most frustration or anger? I believe that to make a change in any aspect of ourselves, we first must acknowledge that we have a challenge that needs to be addressed. When it comes to impatience, it is better to work on the situations that cause you to become extremely frustrated or angry and work backwards. Working on your most significant challenges first makes it easier to overcome the smaller situations.
Now how do you know what is the worst situation? Think about the things that make you really mad, and you get so angry and frustrated that you yell, scream, swear, or whatever it is you do to release your frustrations. Then think about what triggered that feeling. Sometimes we think that some situations are not critical as they only frustrate you for a brief moment but think about how that brief moment of frustration may be affectting others around you, especially children. Could your brief moment of anger leave lasting impressions or emotional scarring on those around you?
Once you have recognised your triggers, now you need to work on changing the way you react. The first thing to do is try to remain calm. Counting to ten or taking five big deep breaths usually does the trick. Next, think about being in a positive state of mind rather than a negative one. For example when someone cuts me off on the road I think to myself “that’s ok, they are probably in a hurry, no worries”. For me, this empowers me, and I remain centred and patient. It is really can be that simple, staying in a positive frame of mind and being calm allows you to learn patience. After a while it becomes second nature, and you will become a very patient person.
Here are some situations which may cause you to become impatient
and what you could do to change the situation before you get frustrated and lash out.
Stuck in traffic- Use this time to get your audiobook out or learn a new language. Did you know that trying to get to your destination via back streets actually takes longer than if you just waited it out in traffic? There is an exception to this, and that is when the road had been closed, such as an accident on a freeway and you are stuck literally.
Crying baby- Babies cry for many reasons. The best thing for you to do is first take a deep breath, second clear your mind and stop doing any other activity, now focus yourself on calming down and then go through the baby crying checklist:
- Do they need a nappy change?
- Are they hungry?
- Do they need a cuddle or your attention?
- Are they overtired and need to sleep?
- Are they sick and need help?
Try all of these things, and if these do not work let your baby cry for a bit and try to soothe them and repeat the checklist.
Waiting in a queue- The reason we get impatient while waiting in a queue is simply we have to wait. Our time is precious and we are very busy people. Having to stand and wait, causes us to slow down and we can get impatient.
Some tips include:
- Start a conversation with someone in the line. It is incredible how quickly the line goes when you are talking.
- Get out your phone and reply to emails, do a quick survey or read an article on artofpersonaldevelopment.com
- If at a supermarket, pick up a magazine and read it. You may just want to buy it
- Sometimes you can ask the customer service attendant to SMS you when you are about to be served. You can then do some shopping. I know big phone companies do this such as Samsung and Telstra
Standing to wait in line without a distraction will cause you to think about the waiting and the time will seem like forever. There is an old saying which rings true here – “a watched kettle never boils”
Trying to find a car space- I love this one, and I have the ultimate solution that I have tried and tested a hundred times without fail. However, the technique does require patience, but I guarantee this works every time. When you go into a big shopping centre and try to find a car space do you continuously circle around the car park looking for a car space only to lose a spot as you pass one?
Stop doing that, research says it takes you ten minutes or more to find a car spot this way. Wouldn’t it be great if you could get a car space in under six minutes? Of course you would, here is the secret that many people know but do not do it as they do not have patience.
First, you need to find an empty aisle, any aisle will do as long as no one else is waiting in it. Move your car about halfway down and as close to the parked cars as possible. You want any vehicle behind you to be able to go around you. Put on your indicator and wait.
Put on your stopwatch and watch what happens. Usually, within the next 10 seconds to 2 minutes, a shopper will come out of nowhere and get into their car in your aisle, you will need to be vigilant and practice being patient.
I make a game of it, and to my surprise, the longest I have ever waited for a car space was 4 minutes 20 seconds, but that only happened once. On average I wait between 30 seconds and 2 minutes tops, keep in mind though that even 10 seconds can seem like an eternity, so persevere.
There are many more scenarios but ultimately you are trying to improve your patience, you can also try YOGA, meditation, massage or other relaxation techniques as these will assist you to become a calmer person.
Be your best Mentally
Have you ever wondered how you suddenly turned the age you are now and how quickly you got there? Life happens so fast. Most importantly, how do you look and feel now your twenties, thirties and perhaps even your forties are over?
I woke up one beautiful sunny April morning. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself I am forty today. I stared in the mirror wondering. How did I suddenly get to forty? Where did my thirties go? Where did my twenties go? I felt a sense of panic rush over me, and I started to feel anxious. I did not want to get older, who does? Feeling older created a little sadness, and I started to become mildly depressed. I am sure most of you who are reading this may have also felt this way sometime between thirty and fifty.
I remembered my twenties like it was yesterday. The years had rushed by so fast that I had missed or had forgotten half of it. I stood motionless, looking into a face weathered by the years. A face was telling a thousand stories some good, some bad, some ugly and some sad.
By the end of 2001, I packed up my life in Sydney and moved to Melbourne. I knew the first thing I needed to do to change my life was to get away from my current life. I also thought to myself now is a time to do something I had always wanted to do and that was to be a personal trainer. Something I had procrastinated about for the past ten years: by the time I had arrived in Melbourne, my partner supported me by enrolling and paying for my fitness course, paid for my food and the rent until I got on my feet again. A magnificent person that I never thought I would ever find. I was delighted to do the course as I had not done any educational courses in over ten years. Learning to become a personal trainer turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. It changed the direction of my life and my life’s purpose.
There is something extraordinary about the Fitness industry. A sense of positive energy, calmness and comradery among the many people who live and breathe health, fitness and wellbeing. I had an instant connection and fell in love. The incredible thing about the fitness industry is it is not just about exercise. It is about changing your life for the better. Change your body through training yes, but also to lead a happy, healthy life that loves to help others to do the same.
If you want to make a change to your current situation, you must make some significant changes, cut people out of your life, maybe even change states or countries as I did. It is going to be rough and tough but, in the end, if you genuinely want to have an extraordinary life then you must make some sacrifices. Change is hard for everyone, and I tried many times to make a change without success. It takes determination, hard work, and tears. However, in the end it will be so worth it, you will look back on it and perhaps you too will write an inspiring story.
I know you may think I am a little crazy to cut out family or friends from my life, or that it is easier said than done. Very true, however you do not need to cut them out if it is impossible. What can do is not share your dreams or goals with them until you have achieved them. Nine times out of ten if you tell a negative person in your life your dreams or aspirations they will find every excuse why you will fail. However, if you achieve your goal or dream and tell the same people, it could go either way. They could be jealous, or they could say “I knew you could do it”. People can be fickle; we need to be self-aware of this when discussing our dreams with others.
I have heard many times over that some of the most famous wealthy individuals of our time never got a formal education. Many of these people say that they dropped out of high school as it was not for them, and they did not need a high school education to get the success they enjoy today. While that is somewhat true, I do know from reading their biographies that although they did not finish high school or earn a high school diploma or university degree, they still needed to educate themselves and they did so in many other ways.
Educating yourself does not have to be formal, such as a university degree. Although I highly recommend it these days. To become a better person, you must educate yourself. I too dropped out of high school. I choose to return to complete a university degree to further my knowledge and skills formally, but this is not for everyone, and that is ok.
Whatever your goals are in life always look for the opportunities to educate yourself, it could be seminars, workshops, conferences, finding a mentor, reading books, short or online courses, or a formal qualification at any level. Personal development requires you to be on a path of continuous learning. Learn the things that will help your personal development, which can lead to a better life and better relationships. Furthermore, being more educated gives you more self-confidence.
Back in the 1980s, finishing high school and achieving the HSC/VCE did not seem to be much of a talked-about subject as it is today. Going onto University to obtain a degree was only discussed with the students who were in the top classes or private schools. I attended a public government school and was in one of the lower levels. Most of these kids would go on to get an apprenticeship and have a trade of some sort, although I did hear (I left in year 10) that almost half of the boys in my year went onto to year 11 but dropped out before year 12.
I regret the fact that I did not finish high school or go to Uni and get a degree. I was not aware, and after so much wasted time, I could have gone to University years ago as a mature aged student years ago. The regret only came recently when after 16 years with the one employer the company folded, and I was made redundant. I had only heard of people getting made redundant I never thought it would ever happen to me.
Immediately I started looking for jobs that I would enjoy and that paid what I was earning currently. Turns out all the occupations I have the skills and knowledge to do, that offer the same remuneration or higher, all require a University degree. I had many times over the years seen people start and complete their degrees and always felt I was not good enough, smart enough or able to do a degree.
Being made redundant gave me the motivation and inspiration to enrol in a Bachelor of Business majoring in Management. I have the skills and knowledge; all I need is a degree.
There are many reasons why formal education is right for you. For me it has opened the smart person in me and has taught me so much in such a brief time. I have learnt how to read, speak, and write English better. It has taught me proper grammar. I am forced to read books, research, read articles, and draft formal papers that are well written.
I know this is not for everyone but what I do know is the confidence I have gained so far from this course has already opened many new doors for me. I did not think possible. I am starting to believe that I can be a general manager or CEO. The education I have gained has allowed me to learn things I would not have usually sought out.
Five things that a Degree has helped me learn so far
- Researching opens up a whole new world of learning. When researching, you are required to read and sometimes the information is not what you needed at the time, but frequently I learn something I would not have otherwise.
- When communicating with professors you are required to be more formal, which transcends into your writing skills and grammar. For example, I use synonymous to find better words. I have my grammar checked by professionals, and I think about what I want to say before I say it.
- You are learning up to date information. The textbooks, subjects, and information is current and therefore opens up a world of learning about new technologies, application, websites, corporations, start-ups, successful people and much more.
- I often get more than just business and management lessons I also get history, science and geography lessons without having to do those subjects. When I am reading a topic, for example, there is usually a back story (history), theory (science) and a place in the world (geography).
- Although Ps get degrees, HDs are better degrees. 😊
Be your best Mentally
Appearance is everything
Did you know that we judge a person by the way they look within the first 5-12 seconds of meeting them? In those first 5-12 seconds, we perceive how a person is purely by how they appear to us. It is known as the unconscious bias theory. That is why is it so important to look your best every time, no matter the situation. People will discriminate even when they do not realise they are discriminating against you.
How do you think you appear to others? When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Better still do you look good naked? If you answered no to the last two questions, then you read on my friend, if you do that is awesome, keep doing what you are doing. I bet you look amazing.
I was sitting in a shopping mall the other day, observing people as they walked by. I wasn’t being judgemental. I was just being observant. However, I was astounded at the countless men and women I noticed, many very shabby, dirty and overweight. What was even more astonishing to me was that the men were dressed in business suits. To be honest I was shocked at how many men are not looking after themselves or taking pride in their appearance.
Did you know that the key to your success lies in your appearance? Studies have shown that men and women who are well-groomed, appear neat, have clean pressed clothing and who look reasonably fit have been known to have greater self-confidence, personal pride, walk taller and attract more good things in their life.
Grooming is the number one thing everyone should be doing, to make the best impression in life. Being professionally groomed not only shows others that you take pride in your appearance but also can help with many other areas in your life, including business, career and personal relationships, besides when you look good you feel good. There is nothing more off-putting than someone who does not take care of their appearance. What can be very distracting to others could be the difference from a sales negotiation, landing your dream job, meeting your ultimate mate so on and so forth. I am sure you get the picture.
Over my many years as a manager, I have interviewed many people for positions from sales consultants, personal trainers, managers, administrators all jobs involving customer service. It is astounding to me just how many of those people I have said ‘NO’ to before I have even spoken to them, based on the way they present themselves at the interview. Trust me when I say this, if you expect someone to look good in the job and they arrive looking shabby or late, do not hire them, you will regret it. If you can not make an effort to look your best for a job interview do not expect to get the job and stop wasting everyone’s time. Would you take the time to look your best for your or a friends wedding? Of course you would, why is a job interview any different?
When meeting someone for the first time you have between 5-12 secs to make a good impression, and the first 5 seconds are the most crucial; usually, when you are sitting waiting for the interviewer or greeting the reception, you are being judged. You only get one chance to impress so do not mess it up.
Ask yourself these questions. Do you make a good first impression based on how you look? Would you hire you based on how you look? If your answer is yes, then you are on the right track, if not it is ok, read on.
Up until I was sixteen, I did not care about my appearance. I rarely brushed my hair or teeth. My fashion consisted of Adidas tracksuit pants, runners, and t-shirts; you know those funny printed t-shirts from the markets. I had random acne as every teenager does, and I may have had terrible body odour, as I do not ever remember using deodorant. I showered but I do not remember how often. Hey, I was a teenager boy!
Then one day something in me changed. It was my older sister Simone who instigated this change. She taught me a valuable lesson in how important it was to look your best. My sister always looks great. When we were younger it would take her a long time to get ready before she left the house. One day we were both going to the shopping mall to hang out. She drove, and I wanted a lift, so I had to wait for her. It took me about five minutes to get ready, and it took Simone more than forty-five minutes to get prepared. Frustrated with the wait I turned to Simone and asked her why it takes her so long to get ready, and she replied, “You should always look your best whenever you go out the door, as you never know whom you might meet”. She may have also said “looking this good, takes time”.
My sister is beautiful, always has been. She has a natural beauty, a beauty that doesn’t require much makeup, even to this day. What she said that day was so true and has stayed with me always. From that day forward, I made a massive change to the way I looked. In retrospect, I think that having low self-esteem played a big part in my appearance. After I turned sixteen, I gained self-confidence and made some significant changes to my fashion. I stopped wearing tracksuit pants and those silly t-shirts. I began to use moisturiser and use deodorant. I also starting showering twice a day, sometimes three or four times. I went to the dentist and had my teeth fixed. I began to wash my hair and brush my teeth religiously. I started to try foods I had not tried before and started to drink water and lots of it.
I began to educate myself on how to look professional. I observed how professional people dressed, how they talked, what they ate, where they ate. I drunk the latest fashionable drink and partied at the trendiest nightclubs. What I learnt in those early days has opened many doors and opportunities for me.
You too can change the way you look to attract more into your life. It is never too late to start. Start with the following:
- Get a good haircut- When it comes to cutting your hair, haircuts should be done at least once every 2-3 weeks. Make sure you find yourself a good hairstylist. Over the last ten years, many good barber businesses have set up to cater for manscaping. These are usually a bit higher priced than an average barber but are catered to men wanting more than just a short back and sides haircut. These barbers are perfectly ok, but please avoid the cheap barbers and hair salon. Cheap haircuts are cheap for a reason, and there is nothing worse than a bad haircut. Unless you are balding or going for a number 1 crew cut than avoid the cheap barber or hair salons like Just cuts, Express cuts etc. These are ok for kids, but if you want to look sharp and professional you need an expensive haircut, any price from $50 – $80 will suffice.
- Join a gym- If you cannot afford a gym jump on Utube for free workouts and incorporate this into your daily life. See my blogs on Health and Fitness for how to exercise.
- Buy a new suit- Buy yourself the most expensive suit you can afford. If you do not wear suits, buy a brand new outfit that will look a million bucks in the office. Make sure you purchase for men- four new shirts and four new ties, a new belt, matching socks and a new pair of shiny shoes, the equivalent for women.
Three fundamental steps to point you in the right direction, here are and additional pieces of advice to aid you on your journey;
- Visit the dentist every six months. Get your teeth fixed and whitened if needed
- Brush your teeth and floss after every meal. Take a toothbrush to work if need be
- Trim your nose and ear hair
- Trim your eyebrows
- If you have a beard and/or moustache, keep it clean and well-trimmed
- Wash your face with a good face cleaner every day, use a scrub once every three days
- Style your hair, use a superior product
- Ladies, wear light makeup that enhances your features, no heavy makeup
- Wear a superior fragrance Eau de parfum or Eau de toilette
- Wear a deodorant, not an antiperspirant as it wont stop the smell only the sweat
- Visit a dermatologist and have unsightly skin tags, moles or bumps removed from your face and neck
- Educate yourself on the best fashion that suits you
- Make sure your shoes are new, clean, neat or shiny
- Make sure your belt is new and clean
- Your sock colour should match your shoe and belt colour. The exception to the rule; wear different socks if you wish to stand out
- Eat healthy, nutritionist meals, get rid of that belly fat
- Always eat breakfast
- If you are a messy eater, avoid foods that splash, like spaghetti bolognese on white shirts
- Have mints on hand in case of bad breath
- Before you shake someone’s, hand ensure your hands are not cold, sweaty or clammy
- Do not drink alcohol at business lunches; you will become tired
Be the best you can be- Physically
To make a change in your life, you must start with the question Why. Why do you want to make a change? It is a very confronting question when you think about it carefully. Think long and hard about this question, because the answer will be your greatest motivation.
Once you have found the answer to
why you want to make a change. You then need to dig deep and create some goals on
how you are going to make the changes to yourself and your life to achieve your
why. The most important thing when creating your why is the make sure it is
your reason not someone else’s. If the reason is not yours, you will fail to
achieve the outcome of changing your life for the better.
Activity: Sit down and write out a list of reasons why you want to make a change. Be as brave and as bold as you like. Think of a minimum ten whys. There needs to be a WHY for every part of your life you want to change.
To get you started here are some common reasons:
- Become a better person, better partner, better father/mother
- Learn to be professional, more confident, increase your self esteem
- Become stronger, fitter, healthier
- Become more educated, less ignorant, more intelligent
- Look better, dress better, smell better
- Communicate better, speak clearer, use and understand the English language better
Now you have your reasons, you now need to put these reasons into goals so you can start creating this new you. Start with ensuring that your reasons are very clear, so you can create goals that are also clear.
In my Life coaching and Personal training business I start by asking my clients, why they want to make a change. This is before I ask them their goals or any other questions.
I often hear from my clients that they want to make a change for any of a dozen reasons, which is great, when I ask why I often hear them say “I am doing this for my children”, or “my partner wants me to lose weight”. This is when I say “Stop”, these are not your reasons, lets start again. Many are puzzled by this reaction but let me tell you the reasons must be yours, they cannot be for someone else. I think it is great people think this way, but you must be saying I am doing this for me so that I can play with my kids. I am doing this for me, so I can be a better husband for my wife. Only then can your really own the reason and start to make a change.
Doing something for someone else, usually ends in regret and often disaster, especially if your fail to achieve something that some else wants. A lot of pressure can be put on you so please do it for yourself. Of course, you will need the support of people around you. Now you have your reason lets begin with creating goals to match those reasons and put them into action
Be your best